It’s easy to get caught up in the belief that you’re supposed to feel a certain way.
Many clients sit in my office and ask: “What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I feel this way?”
As if there’s a certain way you’re supposed to feel on any given day..or we’re programmed to have a universal reaction to every situation in life…
So when you don’t feel how you’re “supposed” to feel, or react “accordingly”, then there’s something wrong with you..
Self-judgements around emotions is one of the most common themes that comes up when I work with clients.
But it’s these judgement keep you stuck in the cycle of shame, isolation and self-blame anytime you have an “off day” or go through a difficult time in life.
These judgements don’t change the emotion and typically lead you to feel worse--you’re already upset and then spend hours beating yourself up for feeling upset...that’s the cycle.
Many times, it’s not necessarily the emotion but the judgment of the emotion that increases the pain, since in reality it doesn’t matter if you “shouldn’t” feel this way..
Because right now, that’s just the way you feel.
This means that it’s not just what you feel but how you respond to that feeling.
As you soften the judgements around how you feel, the emotion itself becomes easier to move through.
Rather than use all your energy and headspace to beat yourself up; you can use your energy to identify what’s going on and what you need to care for yourself.
One of the most helpful ways to explore this concept is through self-compassion.
This means to show yourself kindness--to be gentle, understanding and supportive of your experience.
It means you honor that what you feel is uncomfortable and difficult without having to change it.
Self-compassion is the antidote to self-judgement.
Notice how it feels like to give yourself a hug, take a break or treat yourself the way you’d treat a close friend (or hell, even a stranger!) ..because it’s okay to be kind to yourself.